President Donald Trump’s sharp tariff hikes last week have sent the stock market into a tailspin, raised alarm bells among Wall Street executives, and heightened many economists’ worries that the U.S. could tip into recession.
God dammit. I was trying to make a joke about the correlation between the people I see breathing oxygen, and the stupid people I see. Then I was going to say there’s also a correlation between the people I see NOT breathing oxygen, and also turning blue and falling to the floor.
Then I realized the joke made it sound like I was defending tarrifs. Which wasn’t the point I wanted to be making. So then I tried making a joke about there being a correlation between fat americans, and eating fast food. But then the joke wasn’t even funny, or random. It was just boring.
So then I saw a bird outside, and remembered I have a low attention span. So I ran outside to look at the bird. He looked back at me like “Why are you looking at me, human? I’m just sitting here being a bird. Are you trying to watch me poop? You are, aren’t you? You realize that birds have no sphincter. So if I develop the urge to poop, there is a 100% chance it will come out immediately. You are never safe around birds to not poop on you. Which really kind of erases the old thing people used to think about birds targeting their car specifically to poop on from the sky. No bitch. I’m just flying through the sky, and you’re hundreds of feet below me, freely available to poop on. What are you going to do? Chase me? I will poop on you, and get away with it. Because I’m a bird.”
Then I came back inside, and realized I never thought of a joke, or something random to say here.
God dammit. I was trying to make a joke about the correlation between the people I see breathing oxygen, and the stupid people I see. Then I was going to say there’s also a correlation between the people I see NOT breathing oxygen, and also turning blue and falling to the floor.
Then I realized the joke made it sound like I was defending tarrifs. Which wasn’t the point I wanted to be making. So then I tried making a joke about there being a correlation between fat americans, and eating fast food. But then the joke wasn’t even funny, or random. It was just boring.
So then I saw a bird outside, and remembered I have a low attention span. So I ran outside to look at the bird. He looked back at me like “Why are you looking at me, human? I’m just sitting here being a bird. Are you trying to watch me poop? You are, aren’t you? You realize that birds have no sphincter. So if I develop the urge to poop, there is a 100% chance it will come out immediately. You are never safe around birds to not poop on you. Which really kind of erases the old thing people used to think about birds targeting their car specifically to poop on from the sky. No bitch. I’m just flying through the sky, and you’re hundreds of feet below me, freely available to poop on. What are you going to do? Chase me? I will poop on you, and get away with it. Because I’m a bird.”
Then I came back inside, and realized I never thought of a joke, or something random to say here.
Life is funny.
Wow. You’ve accurately described every one of my posts that you’ll never get to read because I just gave up and didn’t type it all out.
Fucking cloacas, amiright?