Every day, all day, I have to lie to clients at work and tell them I’m good. I’m far from good and lying about it constantly is killing me.
I’m incredibly lonely and almost everything I usually enjoy feels like a goddamn chore.
Anyone else here feel like that? If so, how do y’all cope?
I’ve gotten used to saying,“I continue to be blessed with gainful employment” in my usual flat sarcastic tone. At a surface level it’s gratitude focused, but the context of my high-stress job and my deadpan delivery accurately communicates my stress level but in a way people find just humorous enough that it doesn’t stress them out further in turn. Communicating my inner emotional state in a way they don’t find stressful also helps create that very slight emotional intimacy that they’re seeking by inquiring (but that also benefits the highly team-oriented nature of my work). On the other hand it allows both of us to maintain a comfortable emotional distance because it doesn’t really prompt any in-depth response or further inquiry into my well being, just an acknowledgement that I said it such as,“I know, right?”
So I would maybe see if you can find a similar scripted / canned statement that communicates your actual emotional state in a slightly humorous manner. For instance “They’re gettin’ their money’s worth outta me today!” or if you work in a 9-5 office job people might respond well to “Whelp. It’s Monday alright.” You could even go extra catch-phrase-y and say something like “maybe not thriving, but definitely surviving!” Exactly what sounds good with your overall “vibe” in the context of the “vibe” of your workplace will vary and might take some experimentation to find. My above canned response suits my personal vibe because I’ve got that hyperlexic autism thing going on so the relative complexity of my phrasing makes people go,“Yup, that’s Apy alright!” (again, slight emotional intimacy) but also fits well in the context of a job that’s expected to be stressful.
You can practice saying it in front of a mirror or under your breath and after a while it will just start rolling off your tongue with very little emotional or cognitive effort on your part. It’ll also require less emotional or cognitive effort than ruminating on your inner emotional state and feeling like you’re having to make a conscious decision about whether or not to lie about it or worse opening yourself up to dumb questions and statements from people who know next to nothing about how to actually discuss mental health concerns.
Source: am high acuity psych nurse with a borderline personality diagnosis. I’ve had a lot of social skills training as part of my own diagnosis / treatment plus I’ve observed a lot of people’s behavior and had to learn a lot about team dynamics to do my job.
Best of luck!