Mmmm, yes; science is most excellent: Ballistic Beef™

Only available for a limited time.

You can tell it is fake because no human would tie up the tent door flaps using the little nylon fettuccine thingies they sew onto each side

I prefer the phrase ‘giving a dump’, because I sure don’t seem to be taking anything away from the transaction.

Alas I have digressed. I too indulged in the literary expositions of the shampoo bottle. Conditioner only on Fridays.

I operate in el camino reálity. Miss me with that ranchero and canyonero nonsense.

If I am not mistaken, according to the grammatical scrolls, having a chin makes everyone … chinese

Another, there is.

Frakkin Cylons! I knew it!

You may attract python too!

Car companies cry in bankrupt

Now, therefore, as president I shall urge the Congress to enact the Writ of Habeas Dorkus, requiring a person under the influence of cerebral diarrhea to be brought before some type of human greater than 4 and one-half years of age, especially to secure the person’s sufficient mental competence to be able to wipe their own ass without first tuning in to the TV for guidance, specific instruction, and moral support.

It’s just recliner theater, I tell ya!

Please run for congress. Now.

Saw a kid puke in the pool once on a Disney cruise. You shoulda seen those cast members come running in full hazmat suits and shut down the entire deck! A finely tuned machine, like swappin tires at the Indy 500. If Disney ever got into the military-industrial complex they would take over the world. Worth every penny.

There is nothing on that seasonal display barge worth 150 dollary-doos. Or is there? What year is it and what’s the inflation rate?

I’m also mildly concerned about the handcuffs in the top-shelf plastic bin.

Where tomatoes?

If that was the one with the built-in sharpener, that kid was ballin’

Why would one ever need to sharpen crayons? Why you ask? Because reasons!

It appears the market has spoken, thus you must clearly upgrade your ring cutting equipment.

That is, unless the poor sap acquired the titanium ring from Boeing or Airbus’ supplier. Then maybe you can use kindergarten stubby scissors.

Put a glide in your stride, and a dip in yo hip, and come on to the mothership

If it’s on I-5 in the CA central valley, it’s doesn’t. It sits in the fast lane right next to its buddy blocking traffic for 50 miles. Then it can’t get it up when ol’ Tehachapi comes a callin.