You’re better off asking them questions. “what makes a person eat someone else’s pet?” or do simple definitions of what they say, as if you’re trying to understand. “so white people deserve to travel and others don’t?” (that’s a stupid example, but all of the talking points boil down to these types of statements). Apparently getting them to debate facts doesn’t work, getting them to question what they’re blindly believing, does, but I haven’t put it to practice. I want to go and get a refresher on critical thinking, so I can more easily break down, the way to properly ascertain if, what is being sold to you is truth or propaganda, and then make it into a question / statement and rather than addressing any topic, add a where did that come from, who sold you that, who profits from that, kinda thing, but I want a better statement / question than that. My parents are really similar, I have to avoid a lot of topics, I’m the black sheep of the family, I’ve always been much more earth conscious than them, it’s gotten so much worse lately. It’s the news they’re being fed. They believe it, wholeheartedly. It’s how they’ve always known what’s happening. And it’s why they’re panic buying out tiktok, currently, they (those creating the propaganda and distributing it) can’t have a narrative out there that doesn’t align with their agenda.

That sounds really, frustrating. There’s a socialised culture built where men are taught they can’t operate outside “man” and I feel like I’m finally noticing how limiting that is, wearing the “prove I’m part of the club” mask all the time. I feel like that mask is getting less rigid, by each generation. But I can imagine how hard it would be to be able to express your feelings, when you’re in the constant practice of ignoring your feelings and replacing them with “what fits in” so that might make it really hard for some of the men you try to befriend to even know how to reciprocate in questions, to deepen your connection. But also, even asking or answering questions about your feelings requires a genuine and authentic connection with them, and if you keep telling your feelings, all your life, it isn’t safe to feel, or say feelings, that would cause some hugely damaging repression. It’s understandable, even, that some men never get to a level of emotional intelligence that they could, because getting to a certain level of emotional intelligence requires that connection with your own emotions. I can see how all those factors could really stunt friendships. You would almost have to teach them how to do all the things, from the ground up.

I think you just described my Dad and his whole tribe. He has so many friends and they all trade favours, all the time, there’s this deep connection and they read people by how much they give to others, in balance of course. He’d give the shirt off his back to just about anyone, but he knows when someone is only out for themselves. He loved cars so much he built a business around it, but it’s essentially become a men’s shed. I think you’re spot on, and that’s a great test, if someone is willing to bust a knuckle open, trying to shift a tight bolt, with you, you know they’re a good one.

Thanks, lovely.

I don’t in any way mean to pressure you into feeling like you “should” be doing things in any particular way. If it’s really outside your comfort zone, that’s ok, but also, you tried to reach out to someone, and then didn’t, so I feel like maybe you want that level of connection with someone. Sometimes it’s easier to start trusting someone with your deeper feelings and emotions when you see that vulnerability from someone else, too. Vulnerability requires a level of trust in someone. Steer away from men who tend to degrade others, if you’re choosing someone to open up to, they aren’t going to have a lot of empathy and aren’t going to, therefore, be in connection with their own emotions. How do you feel about your current relationships? Do you feel like there’s something missing? Would you like more? I feel like there’s this tough bro code where guys are socialised / made to feel like they have to uphold this mask of “man”, but that’s not being authentically you, so it makes it really hard to connect with your own emotions and therefore trust others with them, if you feel like you have to hide the real you, all the time.

Oh, so it’s kinda for show.

Why do people do this, just pull apart someone’s comment, dismiss and disregard everything they say. No questions. Just, bam bam bam, you’re wrong on all counts, because my opinion thinks you are wrong and my opinion is somehow more valid than yours. Do you talk to people like this irl. Wtf.

I dunno about you, but I had that as a left over from reddit, damn they’re unnecessarily harsh over there.

Thanks for sharing! Small wins!!

That’s so cool! I’m not at all into guns, but I love seeing other people’s expertise and the before and after of trashed to treasure, would be amazing to see.

I heard a perspective that helped me understand male friendships more in depth, and it went kinda like this, (massively paraphrasing, sorry) apparently men do this parallel play, kinda friendship. They just do stuff side by side, without the deeper knowledge or emotional support or growth together. I found it hard to even imagine that existed, probably because I have adhd and no filter, so I dig the deeps out of anyone I encounter and similarly dump my deeps on even poor random people who have not asked for such horrors, so I struggled to fathom that level, where that doesn’t exist. And if they move away they just ghost out. Sad! Like, here’s the guy I am randomly sitting next to, I know nothing about. It hurts my heart.

I already canceled because of the atrocities Microsoft does / is / supports.

Just murky colours, khaki or camo or anything actual Murky or Lurky would wear, from Rainbow Brite, because I just look at myself and still say, yuck, you look like Murky and Lurky. Fun fact, just realised I named one of my kids after one of the colour kids! Another fun fact, when I was 3yo, I decided I was done with my home and I was running away to live with Rainbow Brite, I patiently waited for a Rainbow to appear in the sky, grabbed my favorite toy, said sorry to all the ones I had to leave behind, walked to the end of the street and, then realised I could go no further because I wasn’t allowed to cross the road, so I, defeated, returned home.

Make one and spell it a little wrong

They’re also pretty stupid, what if everyone who looks liberal just wore a shitty Maga shirt for the day, or whatever.

Yeah, this is exactly what I was thinking, too. You redirect the behavior somewhere safe while still fulfilling the essential need.

Yeah, emotional intelligence is hugely overlooked, too, when interpreting what others say, and to also not be swept up by every little thing, and that low eq breeds for resentment, which is rife for the brainwashing that propaganda is. We all need to be focusing on teaching the next Gen how to step outside their emotions, as an observer, and reflect on the message they are for oneself, not a cue for how to treat others, or define oneself by, and to look inside and heal, or self care, if those emotional messages are extreme. That’s your own little tamagotchi to care for. It’s not even iq, it’s eq (and eq can always be built as high as you want to go) , and the world would be a different place. It’s easy not to care, when you feel like you have been thrown out with the trash, and knee jerk to all your emotions, rather than be an entity that observes your emotions.

ETA, added words, because distraction.

Not to down Tibetan throat singing, because that shit is awesome, no shade to my girl, either, because she said she listen to all types, she didn’t say she liking all types. She hasn’t left the table!!

Is “terrorist” their new code word for “I don’t like this”

Aww, Needs some of that proprioceptive sensory stimulation, but never had the supports to help him find healthy ways to do it. Poor buddy.