I don’t usually wear dress shirts to work except for big presentations, but how on earth does it only take you two minutes? Are you only counting active time ironing? Or ironing 10 shirts in one session and giving the per-shirt average?

Start to finish, from getting out the iron, plugging in to start up, setting up my ironing board and laying out a shirt, waiting to heat up, ironing the shirt plus flipping it around and ironing again, then putting everything away after the iron cools down, it’s usually like 15-20 minutes for me. Maybe you can do something else when the iron is heating up, but it still seems like at least 10-15 minutes. Still a short enough period to not be a huge hassle once a week, but way too much to do every morning.

Dear Quora, I ate this sandwich but now I haven’t pooped in 23 days. Should I go see a doctor, or will my friend’s MLM elderberry quinoa enema rinse help?

True story: I traveled to Germany, Austria, and The Netherlands about 10 years ago with a friend on vacation. Before we arrived in Amsterdam, I warned him that some people thought that Dutch sounded silly, and he shouldn’t laugh if it sounded like gibberish. I believe I used the phrase “like the Swedish chef from the Muppets.”

We got on a bus from the train station. He heard the locals talking on the bus, and immediately burst out laughing, eliciting irritated looks from the other passengers. He continued giggling whenever anybody talked for the next 20 minutes until our stop, while I stood there embarrassed. On the walk to our Airbnb, we mercilessly mocked the Dutch language, as it is basically German with more vowels and a bunch of Vs and Js thrown in for no reason.

Get cast in a cop/spy/sci-fi drama on TV, have an assistant pull up the image on a screen, then simply say “Enhance” out loud.

Nah, it can’t be a gorilla. Reliable sources told me the sun is a deadly lazer

This summer I hear the drumming

Alderaan just lie low

I’m so ready to be masumoaning

A garlic press - saves so much time and effort over mincing garlic with a knife because I’m not a pro chef, and can be used in about 95% of situations where you need garlic. I don’t use it when I want the garlic texture, but otherwise I just adjust the amount or the cooking time versus minced garlic. There’s some hate floating around from professional chefs, but I bought one a few years ago to try it and haven’t looked back.

Yeah, yeah, sports, cell phones, computers, etc. But I still cannot believe that none of the muggleborns brought a damn ballpoint pen to Hogwarts. It would blow the mind of those crazy wizards still using quills. “Weasley Wizard’s Wheezes proudly presents the new quill that writes without an inkwell!”

Only if the shade is high enough on the glasses. I think the recommendation for eclipses is to go shade 12 or higher, usually only used for things like carbon arc welding. Lower shades of glasses will not prevent all eye damage.

Whatever, you woke LGB123+ virtue signaler. You just can’t handle my alpha red pillness!

/s

“This shirt is dry-clean only. Which means… …it’s dirty!”

~Mitch Hedburg

I misread the headline as “only if he was being given last rites,” and was confused until I actually clicked the article. Made me think of people who supposedly only converted to believing in a god on their deathbeds, when suddenly it seemed like it mattered to them.

“Family and friends, good father, forgive me for my stubbornness, and bring me a ballot so that I may change my vote upon seeing the light.” ~Markus Cubano, Nov. 2024

I need an adult.

“Sir, are we being too literal?”

“No, you fool! We were told to comb the desert, so we’re combing it!”

Anyone else hate that the Gadsden flag has been appropriated by ultra-libertarian jingoists? It’s an awesome-looking flag with a cool history and symbolism, but I feel like I couldn’t fly it without looking like a twat.

I wish we treated “minimum wage” in the US like the name was supposed to imply, i.e., the minimum wage needed to survive. I would be okay with minimum wage if it allowed someone to afford shelter (maybe with roommates), food (cooking at home), utilities (electric, gas, internet), and other basic necessities like clothing. I would have included health care, but that’s a whole different topic. Minimum wage in Bumfuck, Texas should be different from Cityfuck, California. But instead we treat it as the minimum employers can pay someone, regardless of a typical human’s everyday needs.

Now, a “living wage” might be a step above that minimum, covering amenities/situations like living alone, having kids, entertainment, travel, advanced education, etc. The kind of things that are a step up from the survival-based minimum, but things everyone needs for a fulfilling life. But I want to start with a minimum, because that’s more achievable in US politics right now, has wide support, and is truly necessary for the people struggling right now.

Well, with that memory unlocked, it’s time to go pull out my Dune II CD and fire that one up again. House Ordos! In the meantime, I guess I’ll check out BAR.